I've lost my way. Going forward seems like I'm going backwards instead, and I feel like I'm falling from a great height to which I don't see the end, only that anticipation that you know you're going to eventually hit, hard, and you will feel a moment of crushing pain and destruction as your pineal gland begins to pump DMT out into your brain to lead you into the next world... hopefully it will be better than this one.

As bored as I am, I am stressing like mad because I've got so much to do still. I'm going to be moving out this summer, and I have no idea where yet. Probably somewhere in downtown Toronto... I know it's going to be costly... Hopefully I can get this job that my neighbour has been talking about, it would really help me so much. I just want to get away from here. Away from everything that has caused me so much pain, so much sadness, so much anxiety. I sometimes just wish that lightning would just strike me down and take me away from this life. All the answers would be revealed, and all the questions answered. Then no one would ever have to deal with me again.

who am I? I cannot see the beginning or the end, too lost and too afraid. Every step just leads me to a million more, and none of them will lead to happiness, none of them will lead to peace. Time simply rolls against me as I try so hard to kill it again and again, leaving me so broken and unsure. Sometimes death seems so much more welcoming than life does, and I really want to just let go of it all sometimes. Then I get the feeling like something is about to happen, and if I go now, I'll miss it. God help me! I've lost my way and there's so much I need to know right now.

Time is a cage, strangling every breath away from me, burning me to ashes, taking away my sanity and disconnecting me from who I am. I am nothing, I am nowhere and I am no one. You are everything, everywhere and you are more than I could ever hope to be. How I do feel so small in your presence, and when you are near me, I hear the silence fall, and I would hold you so close that forever would not justify a single moment in that peaceful state of existence that we could share together. I would crawl a million miles and bleed every drop just to be with you, and yet you ask for nothing from me. Why can I know you miles away? without even seeing your face, I know it's you, and you know me more than anyone or anything.

Can you see; God only wants you to be.